


Two Birds, One Prank War, and the Possible End of the world

by completelyhopeless



Category: DCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Humor, Missing Scene, possible crack, two circus birds universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 11:10:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3118013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/completelyhopeless/pseuds/completelyhopeless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shortly after Clint gets his hearing aids, the boys start a prank war. Bruce and Alfred get caught in the crossfire. They are not amused. Well, Bruce isn't, that's for sure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Birds, One Prank War, and the Possible End of the world

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shanachie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shanachie/gifts).



> Shanache said the boys should have a prank war when I said I needed more fluff for the Circus Birds AU.
> 
> Then I found this prompt again: _[any, any, Beware: Children at Play](http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/545540.html?thread=77320708#t77320708)_
> 
> And that is soooo the boys. So I wrote. 
> 
> This would fit probably somewhere in the middle of [part twelve,](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2906222) before Barney comes back, and it did give me a chance to show a bit more of Bruce's side of things. I don't think he's a bad person, but I do think he mostly has no idea what to do with two kids in his house.

* * *

Sometimes, Bruce thought, it was easy to forget that the boys were children.

Robin was a fluid acrobat, almost untouchable in a fight, always dodging in and out of the way, quick and fast and dangerous. Bruce didn't give him any breaks when they trained. The boy was working against odds, against greater strength and size, and he made sure that Dick knew how to avoid contact as well as block and counter it. The boy was a fighter. He was a good one, with a quick mind.

And his friend. Hawkeye. Bruce hadn't seen anyone with that kid's kind of aim, much as Green Arrow would disagree with that. Alfred claimed he had seen a better shot, and it might have been true, but give that kid a bow, and Bruce doubted there was much he couldn't hit. He wasn't the hand-to-hand fighter that Robin was, but he was good.

Watching the boys train with each other was an experience unlike any other.

Except, perhaps, when they started a prank war.

* * *

“Alfred,” Bruce began, frowning at what he thought he'd just seen when two boys ran through his office and out his window, laughing as they threw insults at each other. “Did I just see what I thought I did?”

“Master Richard and Master Clinton are playing, sir. If you would like me to redirect them to their studies as I have tried every day for the past week—”

“Was Hawkeye's hair _purple?”_

“Yes, sir. I believe it was.”

“Is it permanent?”

“Master Richard would certainly have him believe that to be the case.”

Bruce rubbed his forehead. He had a headache. Again.

* * *

“Robin, where is your cape?”

“Um...”

Bruce narrowed his eyes, folding his arms over his chest. They don't have time for this. He knew how much trouble Clint gave Dick about the cape—he never failed to use it against the other boy if they sparred in costume—but Robin wore a cape, and Dick was responsible for all parts of his costume being in order.

“Well? Where is it?”

“I don't have a cape.”

“You don't? Since when do you not have a cape, Robin?”

“Since Clint sewed it into a skirt.”

“A skirt?”

Dick shrugged. “I don't know if that's what it was supposed to be. It's just the only thing it could possibly be after he was done with it. A skirt. Well, a mini-skirt.”

Sometimes Bruce wasn't sure if the boys were pranking each other or if this was all directed at him now that their tutor was gone.

* * *

“I can't believe you're eating that. That is _so_ gross.”

“You're kidding, right? How can you say that about Alfred's food?”

Dick looked pale and nauseous, and Bruce figured that whatever he'd done to Alfred's latest culinary creation had backfired on him when Clint decided not only to _eat_ it but also to enjoy it. Hawkeye must have a cast iron stomach, because nothing seemed to bother it.

At least, not until a few hours later, when a grumbling Alfred was stuck at the boy's bedside trying to contain the damage from the worst case of food poisoning Bruce had ever seen. He didn't know if it was worth lecturing Dick since it was Clint who had chosen to keep eating after he knew the food was off or if the one boy getting sick was enough punishment for both of them.

* * *

When batarangs and arrows get involved and Batman learned of a new area to keep covered in Kevlar even in his off-duty hours, Bruce decided the prank war had to end.

He was Batman. He couldn't afford to be slowed down by any injury.

Especially not one that forced him to sit on a foam cushion and let Robin and Hawkeye take patrol because someone had shot him in the ass and neither of them would admit to it and Alfred wouldn't stop fussing over him.

Sometimes Bruce thought the butler was on _their_ side, even when he shouldn't be.


End file.
